April 23, 2015

"How do I wear bright shorts and maintain a masculine look so the guys I hang out with won’t make fun or me if I wear them to a baseball game, for example."

A question asked of the Wall Street Journal fashion adviser, who tells him stuff like: "Start by pairing your orange shorts with a button-down, short-sleeve shirt in madras plaid and a woven leather belt." That's wackily specific. I'd just tell him it's not masculine to worry in advance about how his guy friends might mock him about what he's wearing. Seems to me, if he fusses with that woven leather belt and button-down madras shirt, they'll make fun of him for that. The best way to come across as masculine is to laugh along with the mockery and make fun of what they're wearing.

Or... do I have to say it? Don't wear shorts!

56 comments:

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Those questions are made up by the people who answer them.

Big Mike said...

I'd just tell him it's not masculine to worry in advance about how his guy friends might mock him about what he's wearing.

Bingo!

Birches said...

Methinks someone is trolling the WSJ for your benefit...

Fen said...

"How do I wear bright shorts and maintain a masculine look - "

You don't. Lose the queer looking shorts.

And tell your male friends you are gay. They deserve to know so they don't drink after you.

Bill said...

LOL. I thought of you immediately when I read that this morning.

Unknown said...

Um, seems to me dude doesn't and has never had men friends, we mock each other. All the time. About everything.

TCR James said...

If you worry about your friends thinking you aren't masculine because of how you dress, then the odds are pretty good that you are actually not masculine.

Also, if your softball buddies make fun of you, and you are concerned with projecting the right masculine image, the proper responses are to (1) give them an equal ration of grief in return; or, (2) give a hearty laugh, slap your verbose pal on the back, then go sleep with his girlfriend or his mom.

Jeeze. You'd think some guy old enough to write to the WSJ would know this stuff.

Jimmy said...

so OSHA comes on a job site where I'm working. The biggest violation was not wearing long pants. Most of the guys wear shorts, especially the landscapers.
OSHA guy sends all short wearers home, especially the landscape foreman, who hasn't worn either shoes or long pants in years. Just slippers or flip flops I think mainlanders call them.
OSHA guy is here all week. Two of the landscapers didn't come back, they don't even own a pair of long pants.

Fen said...

Metro-Sexualized to Extinction.


BarrySanders20 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wildswan said...

My problem was how to wear combat boots and maintain the feminine look so the other women wouldn't say things. Easy. I spray painted them pink with the welts picked out in gold. No one said a single word.

Known Unknown said...

Saw a guy walking in Portland yesterday with burnt orange pants on. They looked really good. But the key was they were PANTS.

the wolf said...

Sorry, Ann, when it's 85 and humid it's shorts time.

Sebastian said...

"I'd just tell him it's not masculine to worry in advance about how his guy friends might mock him about what he's wearing. Seems to me, if he fusses with that woven leather belt and button-down madras shirt, they'll make fun of him for that. The best way to come across as masculine is to laugh along with the mockery and make fun of what they're wearing."

Very heteronormative of you. Baseball games should be a safe space, free from haters like you and this man's buddies. Get with the program.

Etienne said...

Men who worry about fashion, better have $150 when I show up to fix their flat, cause I will kick their ass.

etbass said...

I enjoy the Professor's crusade against shorts on men and have to say I agree with her. I do wear them outside occasionally but don't feel they enhance my appearance; it's always a concession to hot weather.

Richard Dolan said...

The WSJ article was written by a woman. Women like to tell men how to dress. Best to pay no attention to such advice (including the 'no shorts' mantra here). If you happen to be married to the woman in question, the preferred response is 'yes, dear,' and then wear what you were going to wear anyway. After a while (it might be a long while), she'll get the hint.

Freeman Hunt said...

He can wear whatever he wants now. They'll be razzing the whole time about writing for fashion advice regardless.

Sigivald said...

I'd just tell him it's not masculine to worry in advance about how his guy friends might mock him about what he's wearing.

Yup.

If you're writing to the Times about that question you have already failed in a way that is pretty much beyond help.

Sigivald said...

(And I mean, I don't care if a man is "masculine" or not.

Wear a sequin'd dress for all I care.

Hell, do it certain ways and you can even me "masculine" doing it.

But if you're trying to be "masculine", writing to the Times for fashion advice is the opposite of that.)

RonF said...

The masculine thing to do is wear whatever the hell you want to and tell your friends to go fuck themselves if they don't like it.

kzookitty said...

Why does he want to pretend to be something he's not?

That glassblower kid would've shot him.

kzookitty

RonF said...

Or tell them "That's what your mom said last night when I put them on after I paid her."

Larry J said...

Try telling these guys that wearing shorts is an attempt to prolong childhood or some other psychobabble. FYI: those are the Desert Rats (British SAS soldiers) in WWII.

Dress for comfort and to hell with anyone who tries to impose their "fashion" choices on you. Fashion is for suckers.

John Scott said...

I'm 57. Tonight when I get home from work I'm going to put on my pink shorts and a nice shirt and have my wife take a picture of me. I'm then going to email it to Ann to challenge her to say that I don't look manly in them.

Unknown said...

I like shorts. I'll get married in shorts if I want and if Althouse won't bake me a wedding cake with a little groom dressed like Angus Young on top I'll sue.

So stop the hate. Just get over it. You're so 20th century,AA.

Fernandinande said...

Jim said...
so OSHA comes on a job site where I'm working. The biggest violation was not wearing long pants.


Fashion police.

OSHA Cowboy

buwaya said...

?
I have a pith helmet to go with my shorts. The Sam Browne belt is optional.
This has to be done with a sense for occasion.
I use it whenever I need to oppress the natives.

lgv said...

I think the button down short sleeve shirt is not the answer.

Solid polo. White is OK if you don't have a gut. Dark blue or black would be fine. Do not tuck the shirt it. This tones down the shorts and the belt doesn't matter.

Andrew said...

I'm assuming these are "Sunkist" orange drill cloth shorts. I would suggest a blue OCBD with the sleeves rolled up, navy wool surcingle belt and Topsiders (no socks).

Don't like the way I dress FU, real men wear pink and don't care, remember turn about is fair play and I can be sartorially vicious.


Brando said...

Shorts for men are like skirts for women--if you have the legs for them, they're perfectly fine. Besides, manliness is defined by confidence. Having to fret over whether others will think you're "manly" pretty much ensures you're not manly.

Bilwick said...

My problem with shorts is mainly the people who wear them. I live in a SunBelt city that is basically a ghetto (and/or, increasing, a barrio) surrounded by a gigantic whitebread suburb, plus some intown Yuppie enclaves. I've noticed how the suburbanites (when they venture into town, which they almost always do in packs) and the Yuppies seem always to dress alike. I often joke with my friends about "Our Men in Uniform:" packs of guys all wearing khaki or olive drab cargo shorts with polo shirts outside the pants, and sockless jogging shoes or (in summer) flip-flops. I keep thinking of a line in one of Robert B. Parker's Spenser novels: "Aw, how cute--did your Mommy dress you all alike this morning?"

Moose said...

Why don't you smile more...

Michael said...

What kind of doofus asks a stranger how to dress? Who asks a woman?

If you are grown up and a man I will give you a tip. Learn how to dress yourself. Do not let your wife or your girlfriend buy your clothes.

Also, don't dress for work like you are going to play golf. Have a teeny bit of self respect.

Dress for work and wear your orange shorts to the ballgame and do not ask "how" do you wear them of a woman.

You are welcome.

dwick said...

"Janet! Donkeys!"

Althouse and her crusade against men in shorts begins to sound more like Miss Betsey Trotwood with every post.

tim in vermont said...

That is a line of thought which I have never entertained in my entire male existence. The closest I have come, I guess, is when my wife tries to get me to wear some outfit to play golf I don't want to wear. I then ask her if maybe she wouldn't be happier with a gay husband.

MadisonMan said...

What kind of friend makes fun of you for wearing clothes?

A female one.

Other Men don't give a damn what you're wearing.

richard mcenroe said...

Hey! The Brits wore shorts when they stopped Rommel at El Alamein, Monty's knobby knees at all.

Monty wore long pants during the Arnhem campaign and look how that turned out.

Brando said...

"Monty wore long pants during the Arnhem campaign and look how that turned out."

That's all the proof I need. Pants suck!

Conserve Liberty said...

The best way to come across as masculine is to laugh along with the mockery and make fun of what they're wearing.

In some circles that type of bantering would be declared micro-aggressive. It might even be declared an unwanted approach. And have you called to the Rape Tribunal.

Rocketeer said...

I don't give a damn what other men wear, but Nantucket Reds are an indisputable sign of effeteness and if you're a man who wears them you'd better believe I notice your affected epicene sartorial choice. Actually the shorts version are preferable in that instance - less prissy Yankee Nantucket Redness.

Ctmom4 said...

A strange question. Wall Street guys wear bright preppy colored shorts, sometimes the Brooks Brothers kind with the critters embroidered on them. He will fit right in. He should consult the Vineyard Vines catalog.

mikee said...

Recommending men go completely pants-free ("Don't wear shorts!") is a breakthrough idea!

Walter White and Malcolm's dad both recommend it!

Bob Ellison said...

Fake letter.

Smilin' Jack said...

""How do I wear bright shorts and maintain a masculine look so the guys I hang out with won’t make fun or me if I wear them to a baseball game, for example.""

Wear them to a biker bar first. Scars on your face and bloodstains on your clothes always make you look more manly.

RichardJohnson said...

Althouse
Or... do I have to say it? Don't wear shorts!

Althouse would say that, wouldn't she?

Too hot to wear pants now, so I am shifting to shorts. If Althouse wants to pay for my air conditioning, I will be glad to wear pants inside my dwelling. But when it is 80+ outside, no way am I wearing pants to walk the dog.

Nearly all my shorts are neutral colors- white, tan, or blue denim. Much easier to match wih colorful summer shirts and t-shirts.

I have some colorful shorts made of some Guatemalan tie-dyed material, but I don't have many shirts or t-shirts to match.

I think Althouse chooses these anti-shorts pieces to get more comments.

RichardJohnson said...

Andrew
I'm assuming these are "Sunkist" orange drill cloth shorts. I would suggest a blue OCBD with the sleeves rolled up, navy wool surcingle belt and Topsiders (no socks).

Colors which two large Alumni Associations would support: Universities of Florida and Illinois.

MacMacConnell said...

Rocketeer

Are they Nantucket Reds if they weren't purchased at Murray's ?

Nantucket Reds look great with an ascot and navy blazer for dinner wear after a long day of wind surfing with John Kerry.

MacMacConnell said...

Ctmom4

I got critter pants, my three year old great niece loves them.

These,

http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index.jsp?productId=56542196&cp=2943767.1766319&ab=ln_nodivision_cs_pants&parentPage=family

;-)

MacMacConnell said...

RichardJohnson

When in doubt always reach for the blue OCBD for any and all occasions.

Marc in Eugene said...

Dwick at 1:34, The most amusing comment I've read all day! thank you. While I don't have any reason to doubt that AA's shorts posts reflect her true opinions, nor do I imagine that she has Meade armed with a broom stationed in the front garden to make sure that men in shorts keep off her grass.

Anonymous said...

Nothing wrong with wearing shorts. If you want a real cause, Althouse, rail against those who tuck their ears inside the hatband while wearing hats.

Rusty said...

If you have to ask that question just put on a dress.

MacMacConnell said...

Full count, pitch low and outside, Rusty hits it over the center field fence!

Rick Caird said...

Move to Florida and hang out with burly first mates who also always wear shorts. If anyone tries to tell you that you are not masculine,let the first mate know.

T. A. Hansen said...

If you have to ask a question like that, you aren't masculine. It's a women's job to care about fashion.